Moments after moving into our new abode in the Valley of the Vapors, Mark came face to face with danger. It's the kind of event you only see in the movies. You could say "The Sandlot" came to life in our own backyard. The minute we walked in the door we heard it. The same disturbing noise that serves as our alarm clock in the morning, serenades us at dinner and keeps us from going to sleep at night. Mark, being the curious guy he is, decided to peak over our six-foot fence and check things out. That's when the critter, we know as the backyard beast, leaped seven feet in the air and nearly ripped Mark's face off. He says he can still smell the beast's putrid breath, and when he closes his eyes, that face that resembles a Rottweiler is staring back at him right over the top of the fence. But no, we couldn't just leave the half Rottweiler half Great Dane to sit on his throne in the neighbor's backyard. We had to continue to check out the lumbering giant in his den. Even though this creature appears docile in this photo, please note, his head easily rests four feet above the ground while sitting on his haunches. P.S. Seconds after this photo was taken, the giant realized he was being watched and viciously attacked the thin wooden fence separating our alleged recreation areas.